Pregnancy does swim by fast, I am glad of it though and wish it would go even faster so I can see my little baby.

I did however already have my first glimpse a few weeks ago at pregnancy week 11 and am now posting the piccies up.

Next scan is scheduled for the 10^th September 2010 so I will definitely have those posted up too!

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Ok, so I know I haven’t bought the baby anything yet but technically, buying discount Chanel perfumes is really an investment. Especially when they are almost half the price (60 quid each is cheap) plus this year I’m buying all my Christmas presents early, so really I won’t be spending that much in December.

Plus I have to treat myself now as when the baby is born I won’t have extra cash for myself.

And hormones most definitely played a big part in me all of a sudden hating my blackberry 3 months ago which resulted in me having to buy another phone which I also now hate.

Plus I need my blackberry for my blog so I had to swap back.

And just to make sure my husband understands that not all my money goes to waste (it doesn’t) I have pulled out the 100 pound Fiorelli bag from the loft which I shoved up there 1 week after I bought it (6 months ago) after convincing him I would use it every day forever until the end of time.

Plus that bag and blackberry kind of goes with the perfume, a sophisticated chic look.

See how it all comes together?

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I have bought nothing.

Considering I’ve been waiting in my mind to get pregnant forever, my baby is nearly five months old inside me and I bought nothing, NOTHI NG!

So I have taken what I think is appropriate action and starting forming (another) list. A list of every baby item I will essentially need. No doubt when baby arrives I will sit there pulling my hair out at the amount of items I forgot to buy, and it will probably be something like the buggy.

Some people are absolute naturals at this of course, the ones that already had everything planned and listed at the age of 13. Yes of course the best friend who always makes you look stupid and completely useless.

God I hate shopping

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Lots of horrible words are passed in moments of anger in a relationship, words that are quickly taken back when the argument is resolved.

But at what point do you take these words as a warning sign?

My best friend has recently found that her husband of nearly 11 years has fallen for another, a young lady at the age of 18. His reasons apparently for this are that the relationship in so many words was always one sided and that he was never really ever heard or taken seriously.  My friend from the inside never saw or never really paid attention to the warning signs.

Do we all do the same thing? Do we decide that the words passed in an argument never really mean anything? I’m starting t think differently.

When your husband turns around and says and I quote “if I had known your family before I had known you” what does that mean? If your husband says if I can’t ask you for a simple cup of tea than what else can’t I ask you for? How do you respond?

Truth is we all know how it ends up, he will apologise or turn around or say that he was angry when he said that and that I obviously took it completely wrong, I will eventually agree. But it will always be in the back of my mind and always more importantly and dangerously I fear in his.

The saying goes the truth always hurts and we turn a blind eye.

But maybe we shouldn’t be dismissing the warning signals so easily.

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So unaware of how much you’re going to change mine and your daddy’s life and so unaware of much I worry about you already. So unaware of how much we already love you so much.

So much has already changed in the time that little stick told me with those 2 lines you was on the way.

Granny and granddad have decided they no longer belong together are now in the process of making each other as miserable as possible for this reason me and daddy aren’t quite so sure about where you will be born, chances are we will have moved to Scotland in time for you to be born but we’ll see. Money is not great but that’s never what’s going to make you happy.

Things are not great right now, and really, I should be so much more scared right now.

But I’m not.

Because the first time I saw you squirming away on your first scan 1 month ago I knew my life would never be the same again. That feeling that welled up inside me when I first looked at your tiny hands and feet waving at me was a feeling I have never in 29 years felt before. I knew love, but this new love that’s taken over for you and your father is the love that’s going to keep my heart beating until the day I die.

Because you have made me happier than I could have ever thought I could be. Nothing is ever going to take the joy of you from me.

Ps: jumping around on my bladder could go a miss

See you in five months baby

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Myself and hubby have  a  crippling fear of not being able to have children As irrational as it may seem for the following reasons.

His mother a while before we had married had been to a very accurate psychic reading and In this reading she had  been told many things of which apparently had come true, one of the things yet to be brought to light was that one of her children would not be able to conceive. My husband is 1 of only 2 children.

Another flashback to when I lived in Chile, myself hubby and his sister was visiting an auntie who was also apparently a palm reader, she looked at both my palm and his sisters and told me with a smile that I would never have children. His sister then got told she would and she proceeded to jump around ecstatic.

My fear quadrupled.

After 2 weeks of just having ‘a pregnant feeling’ and seven very faint lines off the internet cheapies hubby insisted I take the ClearBlue digital test.

Rob came with me into the bathroom. After peeing into a now sterilised egg cup I followed the instructions and put the test down on the floor. We then both sat on our knees  head to head looking down waiting for the flashing of the hourglass to end with the answer.

Hundreds of things flashed through my mind in that time, What if it was negative? Another month and another 2 week wait driving myself insane, what if I’m infertile? Do our bodily parts work at all? Will we have to adopt? Have I been totally paranoid?

I didn’t even realize I wasn’t blinking until my contact lenses blurred my vision. But then something that has only ever happened in my dreams became a reality, through my blurred vision I saw the words PREGNANT 1-2 Weeks.

After me and Rob hugging each other like our lives depended on it for ages we ran down the stairs and sent the picture of the positive to our friends.

God heard my prayers, and I haven’t stopped thanking him since.

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Married nearly forever and the old green eyed monster still gives me slap every now and again.

I was sitting there perfectly happy digging through my bag of liquorice sweeties when hub shows me these pictures of himself and his friends on Facebook at around age 16. In dublin and In a nightclub.

What is the first thing that pops in to my mind?

He probably snogged every girl in that club that night (Oh you sound surprised I’m jealous)

Truth is I was quite a good girl before I married, I only had like three small time boyfriends and hubs went through about 30 girls so yes I have been known to call him a slut and am slightly resentful that I was a virgin and he wasn’t.

Truth is it just occurred to me that no matter how long you are together you are never going to like hearing about when you wasn’t around even if it is totally unreasonable.

Of course I never said a word and just commented on how different he looks now. Meh

The green eyed witch isn’t always a bad thing though when it’s not me that is. I love it when hubby gets jealous over me, I get this sick kick that tells me I’m his territory.

Point is I think we need jealously its most defiantly there for a reason. I know for a fact after myself or hubby ever become jealous we are all over each other afterwards. A reminder of what you have sometimes is not a bad thing.

But  by no means is it ever a good reason to provoke it. I would but I know that shit will come right back round and punch me in the damn face

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I’m pretty sure the last time I looked around I saw sixteen year olds getting pregnant after giving a blow job. So why is it 4 months later and I’m still not pregnant? Ok fair enough for maybe 2 of those months I didn’t bother having sex but for crying out loud everyone else gets pregnant after doing it once?

Honestly I know I’m obsessed but this is taking the piss, is that a twinge? IS THAT A FUCKING VEIN?!? Robs about ready to put me through the wall.

Poor guy, I’ve lost count of the amount of times he’s walked in and caught me tweaking my nipples in front of the mirror looking for a glimmer of hope.

The part that’s pissing me off the most? I needn’t have worried about birth control for the past year because it looks like it wouldn’t have made a blind bit of difference anyway.

Forget this I’m going to adopt (yes I know it takes three years) it’s quicker.

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Look what I got, look what I got, ok I gotta grow up.

You have no idea how flattered I was when I found this after a shitty day at work! Thank You to Liza over at www.Blahggy.com for this great gift much appreciated!! ( I also noticed Liza twisted the rules a little which I am going to rip off)

Ok on with the rules which must be followed are:

1. Post the award on your blog.

2. Give a thank you shout out to the lovely person who bestowed the Major Award upon you.

3. Pass the award on to seven people who you think deserve the title of Kreativ Blogger.

I’m going along with Liza (www.Blahggy.com) on this one, I have picked 5

4. Name seven things about yourself that others don’t know.

5. Don’t forget to notify your seven five bloggers about their award and post a link to their blog.

The fantastic bloggers I will be awarding are!!!!

www.dooce.com – I know I know, she probably  won’t even notice the award, but Heather Armstrong is the reason I wanted to start blogging in the first place, I just had to add her!

www.saltsays.com – I love this blog main reason being, It stands up for marriage! Which no one seems to give a flying shit about anymore

www.lifeofsaucyb.com – This blogger manages to entertain me every new post

www.onecrazybrunettechick.blogspot.com – This lady is totally insane but truly a special woman!

www.jamiemiles.com – A great columnist and humorist!

There they are!!

Okkkkk, now seven things about me, Not a fan of this bit

1/ I fart in front of hubby then have the cheek to ask if he still loves me

2/  I hope I get pregnant soon as I’m becoming obsessed

3/ I spend most of my mornings trying to remember my dreams

4/ I want a nose job

5/ I like that my hubby works from home so it’s easier to keep him close

6/ My OCD says that I can’t point my knees or elbows at people otherwise they will die (sometimes my fingers)

7/ I hate feet

And bow

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